September 29, 2015

Fall is Leg Mullet Season

McBoyfriend is not really into my super hilarious pun-based jokes, cookies in bed, or my excessive body hair. Some day when we are rich he will be in charge of funding my laser hair removal. But until then, I get to continue to be lazy and sometimes indulge his request of getting my mustache threaded [holy dust of mercy it hurt so bad!]. Weirdly, I love getting my eyebrows threaded [even when the older Indian woman tells me I need to come in more than once per week].

In college, my university bookstore for some reason gave me a free women's Schick razor, and ever since then I have been hooked on nice razors. I bought a ladies' pink electric razor several years ago, and was so impressed by how fast I could shave, yet so confused why electric razors weren't marketed toward women! I have always gotten awful razor burn, ingrown hairs, and some pretty nasty cuts, so I cannot use disposable razors. Anyway, that stupid pink lady razor lost battery power quickly, and while I heard it whirring down my hairs would get some painful yanks. Youch!

That's when I got man. I mean, mad. After looking at electric women's razors, and finding that they're few and pink crap between, I decided to look at men's razors. Holy bumoley! I was blown away by the choices. After reading many reviews, I decided to just pick one. You know how I picked it? By the one with the most comments like this:
"My nut and berries have never been smoother!"
If it's good enough for a guy's tidbits, then it's good enough for my armpits. I love my man razor still, and it charges quite well and lasts for a long time. Recently I was at a craft party, and mentioned my razor and several of the girls were very interested. Obviously, someone in marketing needs to get on this post haste.

Anyway, ever since the cold weather light switch flipped on, I've been in hibernate mode: snuggling into blankets, cozy shirts, and uh not shaving. McBoyfriend is none too pleased, obviously. However, I came up with a great idea yesterday!

Mullet Leg Hair: bikini party in the front + werewolf in the back

If looks could kill, McBoyfriend would've seared my head clean off. He told me to "go finish shaving." I don't let men tell me what to do, but I went and finished shaving because I wanted to.

Keep on growin' strong, ladies [and laddies]!

Blogging the depths of the abyss,

PS: I forgot to include a picture! Fortunately, someecards had my back. My werewolf back.

September 25, 2015

Bespoke Post: Ginka!

I was going to post this with the previous Bespoke Box post about my furry manbag, but then it just got too long, and my anecdotes were too amazing to just contain in one blogpost.

Bespoke Post is a box I ordered from Groupon at an amazing discount. They still have subscriptions for shorter lengths [1 or 2 months], and I really do recommend checking it out! Bespoke Post has all sorts of cool options to pick from each month, and they introduce three new boxes or you can choose an old box, OR just skip altogether! I love this way of doing a subscription box, and I wish more boxes could provide choice. It's a nice way for them to get rid of old stock, and a nice way for me to decline three pairs of boxers with funk powder or a stabbing knife with a journal and a fancy pen to write about all the shit I stabbed.

The September box I picked was all about gin. But, before I dive more into that, I want to post some pics of when I infused gin earlier this year. I wanted something new in the bar, so I threw some raspberries, lemon peel, and honey into one bottle [my mom's idea!], then rosemary from the yard, dried lavender, and Earl Grey tea into another [see this blog for my inspiration pictures that are classy af]. The former was delicious, sweet, and more of a liqueur, but the latter was gross at first until I realized it went very well in lemonade. Also, I realized you're not supposed to straight up drink gin. Why? Because: gross.
Top left: Earl Grey and Lavender.
All the rest: Lemon peel, raspberry, and mint infused gin. The bottom middle and right pictures show the color the gin turned, and the drained raspberries [almost vampire-esque]. 
September: Distilled
All the supplies to turn vodka into gin, just like baby Jesus turned water into wine.
You know how Ron Burgundy loves scotch? Well, I love gin, but not in an alcoholic sort of way. And not every day. I actually don't think I like gin that much, I just like it moderately.

I didn't drink till after I turned 21[I'm cool, I know], and one of the first drinks I had was a Tom Collins. However, I had it made by a bartender who must have used grenadine and something else because it was pink and delicious. Then, my next time trying gin, I couldn't remember the name of the drink so I asked for something with gin. The bartender's response? "Nothing tastes good with gin." Excuse me! Oh, and I meant "lazy beer pourer", not bartender. He gave me a pint glass filled with gin and pineapple juice. Needless to say, it was DISGUSTING, and I learned my lesson about getting drinks from people who don't know how to make them.

Oh, and after leaving my South Dakota college town and moving to Seattle, I quickly found out that $4 for a pint glass sized mixed drink was not standard. Anyway, then my gin love moved onto gin & tonics, and other bar-created drinks.
Step 1 of infusing gin from vodka: take your giant jug of vodka and add juniper berries, then let sit for 24 hours. I put mine into the pretty glass jar I was given, so that way I could see the transformation.
Secret spices. What are those puckery raisin bombs? No one knows. Maybe Bella knows... she seems almost too interested in what I'm doing.
Step 2 was enjoyable as I watched the color from the special spice mix swirl and settle into the junipery gin; happiness and excitement flickering across my face the way a child's face lights up during an egg surprise Youtube video. The vodka-gin had to sit for 12 more hours with the spices, so I set Bella to work guarding the mixture. Also, I totally love the sediment at the bottom, especially in the right middle picture where it looks like a balloon over some martian planet.
This next part was totally optional because I've had gin, and it tastes like gin. While I've never made gin, I have infused it before [see photographic evidence above] and I wanted to make this one citrusy. So, I added in an orange peel.

Recipe: all of the peel.
I couldn't actually get the orange peel out... I mean uh, that peel looks mighty purdy in there, donnit?
Step 3: once the 12 hours have passed [or another 24 if you're lazy and/or have a job], then strain the liquid and admire its amber colors in the setting sunlight.
How does she sneak into all of my photos??
This is another optional step. In a Darby Smart box several months ago, I received a sticky letter stencil kit. I decided to finally put them to use with my glass etching cream! It turned out quite light, but ah well.
Step 4: drink the ginka! Finally, after my two days of dumping pre-measured contents, shaking and etching the bottle, it was time to consume my creation. I decided to go with the Bee's Knees as my test drink of choice.


I enjoyed it. This was by far one of my favorite projects I've received in the mail. While I love the websites and customer service for Darby Smart and For the Makers, neither of them offer projects that are as interesting or challenging as I would like. Making and drinking gin? Interesting and fun, and easy as pie. I've already cleared a shelf in the bar for more liquor infusions!
And cats...
She actually used to sleep in there.
Blogging the depths of the abyss, 

PS: Step aside pumpkin lattes, last night I fell asleep listening to classical Christmas music. My mom will be so proud! She would listen to Christmas music year-round if my dad let her.

September 24, 2015

The Bespoke Dispatch Cat Bag

Hi, my name is Andrea and I'm a female. But that didn't keep me from subscribing to Bespoke Post's manbox. **I should be doing homework right now, but I found out [after watching the Young & Hungry I missed last night and eating some mac'n cheese, then procrastinating some more with The Muppets and some homemade gin] that my assignment is not due Friday, but Sunday!!**

Last month [the month formally known as August], I signed up for Bespoke Post because I was tired of receiving cheap girl things like necklaces and 50 shades of lip gloss. Plus, Groupon was having a smashingly awesome sale and instead of $45/month, I got three months of boxes for $21/month. They provided a little intro survey, and, in case you were wondering, I don't tend to wear ties, I almost never sport a beard, and baseball hats can die a fiery death what with their not-fitting-large-heads nonsense.

Shall we commenceth with mineth look into the past-eth? That's right, time to jump on the ol' time machine. And by time machine I mean Dropbox to find photos from my phone from last month.

August: Manbag Dispatch
As large as a pizza box, but without any of the mouthwatering marinated artichokes or BBQ chicken, this box arrived on my doorstep one sunny August afternoon, back when the days were hot and the cats were hotter. I was rather excited as I opened it, tossing said pizza box aside and immediately stuffing the new canvas bag with my 13" Yoga Lenovo laptop. It fit, which is good news, considering the bag can fit a 15" laptop. But, I had to check for myself. Science, the joy of experimentation, and all that.
The box also included a set of four notecards. I actually have many [neglected] penpals--three in the US and two in Britain, so these will be of use to me! Now that I've forced myself to sit down and write blog posts [and homework], I so must force myself to write to my frail baroness penpal who whithers away from consumption in her crumbling, ivy covered castle by the rocky shores of... okay that is a bucket of lies. She's just living in a flat somewhere in Britain. A crumbling flat, covered in ivy...
"My Dearest, I write to you this eve to tell you that I hath received new stationery."
My cat liked this box most of all. The prrrroof is in the pudding. Or, in the cat hair coating my lappie bag. I am not wild about the bag, but I still use it. The zipper sticks a lot, and the bag doesn't have as much sturdiness as I would like. However, I do like the leather handles and the inner pockets. I think I can spice this bag up a little by sewing something onto it. Maybe I'll just keep the cat hair on it as a design. I think it says, "She's a professional cat lover, and obviously good at her job." Or so, that's what I am guessing the man behind me in line at Panera thought as I ordered my squash soup yesterday. Fur is very in this season anyway.
I can see Bella getting physically weak as she sits in the sun. Her eyes droop, her body sags, until she can no longer stand and is forced to fall asleep using boxes for pillows.
You would think I would be off to do homework now, but no. I am going to write s'more! I'm on a roll...

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 

September 18, 2015

What's This? Another Post? Weird.

This blog shifts a little, sort of like life... it started in college when I was writing mostly silly, humorous posts, then I abandoned it for a bit and started again by sort of trying to review subscription boxes, but I realized I'm way too lazy to keep up with that nonsense. My credit card is far larger than my interest in writing. Or something like that... sigh. Now I'm writing something personal with some other stuff! Yay for evolution. And to think, I was inspired after drinking some boxed "Delicious White" and reading my favorite new blog, Subscriptionista. Strangely enough, I found it when the creator of Eucopia was researching bloggers he should reach out to for his new box, and I was like dude I've never heard of any of these sites but that one site has cats and funny. Plus, while I love My Subscription Addiction, I really don't like how negative some comments get, and Subscriptionista commenters mostly manage to stay humorous. Basically, I want to be their friends [hands a glass of Delicious White to the internet, and invites the ladies outside for scones and sunshine].

Anyhoo, you know that feeling when you're unemployed and yet life still just speeds by and you're like... wtf did I just do with the last many weeks of my life?? and what should do I with this pile of woven wall hangings, half sewn t-shirt rugclay marbled bowls, and clay beads? I have that feeling almost every summer because I usually work in schools, and, in case you were unawares, non-teachers don't get paid whilst not working over the summer. I generally lay out in the sun, drink a nice hefewizen, and do some crafting or reading between napping with my tiny kitty [see figure 1]. However, for the last year I was finally employed at this job that I semi-loved, but was never confident enough to put it on my Google calendar for more than a month ahead.

Figure 1. Left: Bella thinks she is a parrot and spends much time sleeping on my shoulder/back; Top Right: Bella thinks she is a shirt; Middle Right: Bella hates wearing shirts; Bottom Right: Bella thinks she is more important than my homework.
My office job was somewhat sketchy, and I knew it wouldn't last long, but I was sad when it ended. Some days I felt all Veronica Marsy because I got to go dig through files, research employees, look at Pinterest, and then make phone calls to my associates. Okay, like a really boring Veronica Mars, but whatever. Anyway, a couple of months ago my boss decided to fill my position and the bookkeeper's position one day by just showing up with a new employee. It was awkward and a shitty thing for my boss to do. But, despite being replaced by a sexier older woman, I felt she was very capable and intelligent, and I actually wished we could have worked together.

Finally, I've found a new [and hopefully stable] job. I don't work well with other people, I've realized. I would like to though! I sometimes like people, but from what I've read about people with ADHD is that we sometimes scare people away. RAWR!! So, now I'll basically have 0 coworkers, unless you count when I call one of the four employees to get their timesheets in. However, I'm excited to start, and though it will be similar to what I was doing it sounds like I might also get to do some bathroom/kitchen designing if I want to! And I so want to.

I'm one of those people who wants to be a swing dancer, artist, writer, interior decorator, DIY blogger, standup comedienne, librarian, UX researcher/designer, and in my free time a person who sleeps inside of giant cozy cocoon-esque sweaters* whilst eating warm, buttery pumpkin bread with raisins, sipping on some sort of Bailey's chai cocoa latte concoction, and playing phone Scrabble while watching my favorite show of the moment [ie: Mindy Project, Witches of East End, Young & Hungry, Revenge, etc.]. However, then my anxiety/reality catches up to me and I'm like, yo your joints hurt too quickly to become a dancer, your art is sub-par, your stories generally involve everyone getting killed off because you can't end things, your decorating skills are college-thrift chic at best, you get anxiety-induced memory loss in front of people, and you're not a small blonde mom with time to hot glue amazing things together. BUT! I am getting my Master's in Information Science, which means I can definitely do the UX/librarian thing.

Finally, in addition to trying to get my life back on track by deep cleaning the kitchen at midnight, landing a job, cooking more, crafting more, and turning in homework on time, I would also like to write more. I write and exercise in my daydreams a lot, and if I only do those things for realsies, I'll be grand!

Blogging the depths of the abyss,

*In case you're like, I totally want to see what that giant cocoon sweater looks like, I actually drew a picture of my dream sweater a couple of years ago while I was substitute teaching. The students had to write some sort of poem, and I did the assignment with them and attached the drawing. Obviously the sweater would have a cup holder, a built in chair back, and a heating system, while still maintaining incredible softness.