Handicap Stalls

As a heavy sleeper, to keep my body from wetting the bed, my elementary school subconscious played out dreams in which I was in a giant room full of bathroom stalls. ALL of the toilets were dirty, overflowing, broken, in use, etc. I can remember several of the locations--locker rooms, a forest, schools, and houses. These images of toilets I couldn't use were a way to get my body to wake up and go to the bathroom. I still have them.

I'm quite picky about public restrooms, thanks to my mother and my dreams. If a stall isn't quite clean enough, I'll go to another. And, no, I won't use a stall that hasn't been flushed. Yuck. I still haven't mastered those stupid seat covers [they always fall in or refuse to tear properly], so I just use TP on the seat. As for the preferred stall, I've noticed over the years that I definitely have a preference: Handicap Stalls.

The best part about Handicap Stalls? I don't have to do that weird back-bending Matrix move to open the door and avoid brushing my leg against the lip of the toilet. Furthermore, there's space to set down or hang up my things, they're occasionally cleaner, sometimes there are in-stall sinks, and I just feel better having more tiles to stare at. [Side-note: I occasionally space out or daydream in the bathroom, and end up spending twice as long in there, staring at tiles probably.]

Men, you probably could care less because you rarely encounter a stall, let alone a handicap stall. However, ladies, if you're not using the Handicap Stall you should. But don't tell anyone I told you.

There are several types of people I've observed using handicap stalls. I will list them in order of frequency:

1. Everyone--all of the other stalls were full, no choice
2. Overweight women
3. Elderly women
4. Women with kids 
5. Women who hate brushing against the toilet
6. Handicap people

That last one is quite rare. I'm not sure I can recall ever seeing a handicap person entering a Handicap Stall. Perhaps an elderly woman with a walker, but that's it. So if you're wondering if I feel guilty about using the double/triple-wide stall, no. No, I do not. Why? Because no one has ever truly needed it while I was in one.

While looking for a photo of Handicap Stalls, I found that many other people rather agree with me. I also remembered that Tessa Altman in "Suburgatory" uses the Handicap Stall as her own hangout place, and once to sleep in.

I'd like to thank places that actually provide legit-sized bathrooms for everyone else [#1-5]. I couldn't poo it without you!*

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 
[a]

*I'm sorry for that. I couldn't help myself!

Wink Wink!

When walking down a long hallway, sidewalk, stairwell, etc., it's always hard for me to figure out when the right moment comes to make eye contact.

Now?

NOW?

Nope.. this is not happening. Not at all... Keep walking, eyes averted.

I'm so used to averting my eyes, or suddenly getting a text [ha], or needing water, or whatever, that I was thrown off-guard by an ex-coworker who would not only make eye contact, but also wink.

It was semi creepy.

I should mention, the ex-coworker is a woman. Every time I see her she still has a giant smile and gives me a big ol' wink. I feel like she should've been a basketball or volleyball coach.

People who wink are strange. Women who wink are just sort of creepy. I always feel like we've got some dead body hidden somewhere, or some other dark secret, and she's winking at me conspiratorially.

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 
[a]