January 15, 2009

I'm Dreaming of Anything but a White Winter

I'm not sure if you've ever experienced the awesomeness of a Midwest winter, but let me tell you now: It Blows. Literally.

The wind is great because this place is flatter than the combined chests of a female gymnastic team. And as if the weather weren't bad enough, wind chill usually drops the weather another -20. Neat. Love that. Bring me some more!

The snow is awesome. It falls sideways. I don't know if you knew that. Movies lie. Snow does not daintily frolic out of the sky. Heck no. That white stuff blows sideways and scrapes your peepy eyes out. Not that you could see far enough in front of you to need them anyway.

Welcome to the Midwest.
Don't die on our highways, we have to wait until April for you to unthaw anyway.

You know what the best part of winter is though? When spring comes and it just rains for days on end. That can happen in March or May, it just depends on how much suck you put out and how much suck planet earth wants to give back. Last winter? Snow and ice until May. Neat. I like that. Makes me want to gouge out the rest of my eyes.

Blogging the depths of the abyss,

ps: Bring it winter. My hood is lined with fur and I bought me some ear muffs!

pps: We are at the height of fashion here if you could not tell...

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