March 25, 2013

A Rule for Speeding

I've dated men who were 12 and 15 years older than myself, at age 20 and 25 respectively. Both times the men disregarded the Half Plus Seven Rule for true love. That, or I was sexually harassing both of them because they actually were both coworkers I asked out... huh.

Anyway, let's just disregard the past and look to the present. Last night I was pulled over for speeding. Despite my brilliant argument and carefully thought out explanations, the cop refused to agree that the Half Plus Seven Rule was applicable to the speed limit. But I think if everyone is going to break the rules and speed there should be a speeding rule that's acceptable.

Scenario: Say, hypothetically, I'm going 42 mph in a 25 zone. Sure I'm going to get pulled over because (25 - 7)*2 = 36. So the highest I can go is 36 mph. Likewise with a 36 year old--the youngest he can date is a 25 year old.

However, because the speed limit across I-90 is 75 mph, the cop said my argument was irrelevant.

I've also got ideas for what to do with exes with STIs, people who park crazy in those giant handicap spots, and birds that make too much noise before the sun comes up. Let me know if you have any friends in high places. I'm fairly certain I have an excellent law-making career in my future.

Blogging the depths of the abyss,

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