May 2, 2008

Things I Learned from "Magnolia"

  1. If you lose your gun you should cry about it.
  2. Crack makes you listen to loud Aimee Mann and flip out.
  3. Tom Cruise is always cocky, but looks great with long hair [see "Legend"].
  4. Going on gameshows ends badly for everyone.
  5. Dying old men can easily be tricked into thinking they are smoking cigarettes.
  6. Black kids rap, solve murder cases, and steal money from dead white ladies.
  7. Murses will cry about anything and everything. When crazy people fall for each other it's awkward.
  8. Parents mess up their kids' lives.
  9. Dogs are annoying and die from eating old man medication [or possibly from being drop-kicked by Tom Cruise].
  10. You can order bread, peanut butter, cigarettes, and naughty magazines from the grocery store and they will deliver!
  11. Sometimes movies like to be in every category, this one qualifies as:
    Drama, Mystery, Comedy, Fantasy, Romance, and Musical
  12. Frogs falling from the sky make every things better.
  13. Everyone knows Aimee Mann songs.
  14. Philip Seymour Hoffman is amazing as a pansy or an arrogant jerk.

Blogging the depths of the abyss,

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