It's no secret that I have false mustache envy.
In fact, I fully intend on one day getting married wearing a monocle and a false mustache. My husband will have a monocle, false mustache, cane, and top hat. No lies. That's the only planning I've done for my TBD wedding. Man also TBD.
Not gonna lie, I would marry this girl. She loves false beards so much that she makes them for the beardly unfortunate.
This is one of my favorite photo galleries. I could look at it for hours. People who love their 'staches so much that they... basically garden them. Grooming, taming, weed whacking, etc.
I could live inside this website. Living off of delicious fake mustaches and false beardies. How fabulous!
Ke$ha's song Your Love Is My Drug is fabulous at 3.21 because she says "I like your beard." It's better on the radio, before having seen the video, because it's completely irrelevant to the rest of the song and is a wtf moment followed by laughter.
Aside from the time when I stumbled upon this gem ["The cougar (Puma concolor), also puma, mountain lion, Sarah Palin, or panther, depending on region, is a mammal of the Felidae family."], my favorite Wikipedia page is about mustaches. The style section in particular.
To be honest, I generally find real facial hair to be gross, full of bits of stuff, and oily. But false mustaches? SO classy! Where else are you going to find that high quality of awesome? Nowhere! Nowhere I tell ya!
However, just in case you CAN grow a mustache, here are some instructions on going about that.
Blogging the depths of the abyss,