Furry Water

My throat gets dry when I sleep, so as a teenager I started placing a glass of water by my bed at night. After waking up numerous mornings for a drink, coughing the water out, then going back to bed queasy and chapfallen, I realized that my cats also enjoyed late night drinks of water.

Cat hair is a worldwide pandemic.

Now I own a humidifier. While it's not as satiating as a glass of water, I feel more at ease knowing I have a much smaller chance of ending up with cat hair in my mouth.

Other ways to decrease cat hair intake:

• don't let cat put tail in face
• kiss cats less
• shave off all of their fur 
• wax cats biweekly
• put cats in kennel at night
• have mad scientist disconnect sense of touch [then I just won't be able to tell] 
• discontinue wearing chapstick to bed
• stop eating and breathing in apartment
• get rid of cats

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 
[a]

My Vitamin Budget

My iron is super low. I'm no doctor, but when I was looking at my iron levels I noticed I pretty much don't have any. Which is unfortunate, because I like donating blood [wave of sudden guilt after realizing I've not done so in almost a year].

I bet this smelled terrible.

To combat my lack of iron, and because I wanted to feel like a real adult who takes care of herself, I started taking a multivitamin. But it was monstrous and always got stuck in my throat. You can just feel it now, can't you? That giant, dry vitamin stuck to the side of your pharynx.

Tired of choking down my multivitamin twice a day [or not at all if I forgot], and vaguely jealous of my niece's gummy vitamins, I decided to get some gummy vitamins of my own. They've got three flavors: chocolate, white chocolate raspberry, and vanilla bean.

I haven't noticed too much of a change overall. And while it's not so much that I'm surprised how much more I poo now that I take vitamins, but more so the fact that I have to budget more for all the toilet paper.

Just kidding. I don't actually have a budget.

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 
[a]

Eye Rolling

In 4th grade I got in trouble for rolling my eyes at my elementary school librarian. She was old, rude, and lecturing us about something. We were all sitting at the tables in the library while she went around and yelled at each of our tables. When she made eye contact with me to say something, I turned away and rolled my eyes. Major child-adult faux pas. She got even more pissed. My excuse? Well, duh, my eyes hurt and I had to roll them to make them feel better.

Liz Lemon rolling her eyes

Now I try to be a bit more discrete about my eye rolling now, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

I've started judging dates by how many eye rolls. However, that means I have to come up with a way to judge how many is "too many". Is twelve too many? It seem like a lot, but holy shit some of my dates are lame. Perhaps once I get to five I should just get up and leave.

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 
[a]

Ariel La

The original Hans Christian Anderson version of  "The Little Mermaid" ends with the mermaid losing her prince and turning into sea foam. In the draft written up for the animated film, Ariel was given a name and she also married the dashing prince.

However, the prince's original full name was Prince Eric La. His last name was shortened from "La Sireneta", which was a wink to Ariel being a mermaid.

Finding the last name "too Hispanic" Disney decided to drop the use of last names altogether.

Blogging the depths of the abyss, 
[a]

50 Ways to Lose Your Roomie [Pt. I]

Living with people isn't for me. It's not that I hate people [or maybe it is and we're just going to pretend like it not], it's that I don't like my things being touched. Fortunately, other than my Rold Gold, my sister doesn't touch my carby food.

However, my last year of college I had several roommates. While living with them, one had a friend stay over and I cringed when I heard my roomie say to her friend, "Make yourself at home. Eat anything you want." The next morning I shuffled into the kitchen to find a bowl of barely touched strawberry instant oatmeal. My favorite. The packets that I save for last because they're the best. And she had wasted it.

I know your heart broke for me. Mine re-broke just typing that.

However, years later I've come up with a solution. Does your roommate have any allergies or foods they hate? Find them out--come up with a list. Then stock your cabinets with those items. Learn to love the things your roommate hates. That way you'll never have to "share" again!

Does he hate raisins in his food? Easy. Mac'n'Cheese'n'Raisins.

Maybe your roomie is allergic to nuts? Here are some ideas: peanut sauce on all your main dishes, crushed nuts in every cereal box, and be sure to rub peanut oil all over the lids.

Some people hate colors or textures of foods. We can work with that! Aversion to creamy sauces? Mayonnaise, horsey sauce, cream cheese, and alfredo sauce go on pretty much everything. Freaked out by jiggly substances? Gel all of your foods into Jell-o mealtime creations!

Good luck!

Blogging the depths of the abyss,
[a]